borderline personality disorder – Early Morning Barking
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BPD Mental Health NPD

It’s Only Temporary

OK, today won’t be very long. I won’t keep you. Sorry. This is just a quickie. This is sort of a good video to have around, and I don’t know if this will be much help to you as it’s put out, but maybe it might be something you can get back into from time to time, and that might help.

I feel like this is sort of an important video to have in the catalog, even though it’s a bit quick, it’s a bit straightforward. You’ll see what I’m talking about. It’s called It’s Only Temporary. Right. I was thinking about this from a video I did the other day where I was talking about feeling good and clinging on to that feeling when you feel bad. And this is another thing kind of like that. It’s another thing to cling onto, to feel good about. It’s only temporary. Now.. that’s pretty vague. I understand we’re going to apply this to anything you like really. It’s pretty straightforward.

Feeling sad? It’s only temporary. Feeling happy. It’s only temporary. All these things that are transient forever shifting back and forth, up and down. It’s only temporary. And I think that maybe we hang on to the negative version of that…

Too long. They’re, you know, worried that good things are going to come to an end. And that sort of thing. But I think equally, we can be excited that it means bad things are going to come to an end because it’s all only temporary, right.

I got into my deepest, darkest moments when I felt that nothing would change. When I felt like I was going to be in that emotional pain I was suffering through forever, because there was no light at the end of the tunnel, there was no treatment possible, there was no medication possible that was going to help whatever.

That’s when I got to the lowest point. But it was only temporary. I just didn’t know at the time. And now I feel much better. And I don’t feel like I did in those dark moments. And everything’s OK because it’s only temporary.

And maybe this state is only temporary. Maybe I’m going to go up or down from here. Maybe I’m going to move on to another pretty level area. Who knows what’s going to happen. It’s all only temporary. But if I do go down, if I do have a bad patch…

It’s only temporary. This kind of just removes so much worry from your life, doesn’t it? It’s only temporary. Why worry about stuff? It’s easier said than done. I get it, it’s a bit radical acceptance, isn’t it? You know, just accept there are things that you have no control over, so why worry about them?

I see easier said than done. It’s a nice idea, isn’t it? But then I suppose you could argue that even things you have no control over may be things that you should keep an eye on. I don’t know, but I’m getting into the weeds of that, and that’s not really what this video is about.

The fact is it’s only temporary and however bad you might feel, it’s got to come to an end. You got to feel better one day. It might not feel like it right now, but it can happen. So stick around.

Anyway, like I said, short video, I just kind of want there to be something here that said “it’s only temporary” and I’ll do something a bit better next time. But then again, maybe you needed to hear that today.

Categories
BPD Mental Health NPD

Feeling Good

So I’m feeling pretty good at the moment. Yay! And that in itself is something worth talking about. I get caught up in this trap when I’m making these videos. If I don’t feel bad about something, then there’s nothing to talk about.

And that’s not true. Not all of this is about feeling bad. It’s not about feeling bad all the time, because actually we don’t. And I’m talking more on the BPD side of things as well. But I don’t know the narcissism pretty in check at the moment.

And that’s helping out. You see, it’s not that we’re depressed, right? It’s not that we’re down all the time. It’s not that we’re like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. It’s sometimes we feel bloody awful and sometimes we actually feel okay.

And sometimes that OK can go into pretty good. The problem with BPD is the erraticness of this. I’m not even sure if that’s a word, but it’s how much this goes up and down, and back and forth.

Right now, I’m on a high. Feeling generally pretty good about stuff I’m managing to get things done in that kind of has a a positive snowball effect. Sometimes when you start to get a few things done, you start to feel good and you get more things done and you feel better and so on and so on. But I’m always sort of ready and prepared because this goes up and down. And right now I’m up. Great. But that means there could be a crash coming. That could be a down on the way now.

Since dealing with this stuff, and going to therapy, and talking stuff through and analysing stuff a lot, the ups have been much more frequent and they’ve been longer. And the downs have been far less severe. Iit’s been, nearly a year since I had any sort of big rage moment.

I think that was August last year. There were videos on it. That hasn’t happened since, because even when I’ve been down, and I’ve had low points, they’ve still not been rage. And I’ve certainly not gone anywhere near suicidal ideation That is something that feels totally gone forever now. To be honest, the juxtaposition of wanting to kill yourself and also fearing all these things about life and death Can you worry that you’ve got cancer and be suicidal at the same time? Does that really make any sense? And so these things are easy to resolve and worked through, and I feel like they’ve left me. So I don’t fear those coming back.

There’s not really any fear anymore. In any of this, it’s just preparedness. I’m going to come sort of crashing down, or gliding down now. I’m not planning on it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know when it’s going to happen.

Perhaps this is one that goes on for months. Yes, perhaps this is a great high point I’m living through. You don’t know until it ends. But right now, I’m feeling pretty good, getting stuff done. Feeling better, getting more stuff done.

That’s a positive thing, and it’s good to share that first for a change to not sit here and try and get in touch with some darkness or some sadness and talk about just how tragic I feel now. Pretty, pretty good at the moment.

And it’s it’s worth mentioning. Much as I’ve discovered, I don’t go through the sad moments alone. Clearly, I can’t be going through these happy moments alone either. Doesn’t that give us some reason to be optimistic?

Something to grab onto and try and remember how it feels? Because in the darkest moments, whatever personality disorder or mental health problem you’re dealing with. There are times when you feel OK, there are times when you feel good and you can do that again.

And so. You’ve got to hold on to these times, you know, you’ve got to remember them. And that can be difficult to do, especially in the heat of a moment, but I don’t know I might get some benefit from making a video about it. Maybe I’ll be watching this video one day, trying to cheer myself up, reminding myself it does get better. It’s not always pain and suffering and sadness. There’s some okay times and that’s great. So hold on to them tight. Try not to let yourself. Drag yourself down. There’s some positive mental attitude involved in this, right? It takes a little bit to get jumpstarted, but want to see their. You can say, right, I’m feeling good.

I’m going to keep feeling good because I know that I can I know that this happens. I know that that blanket of sadness that comes around me is just a blanket. This is how I can feel. Write notes. Honestly, right, sticky notes, leave him around like it’s OK to feel good. You do sometimes. Try and hold on to it.