Feeling Good – Early Morning Barking
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BPD Mental Health NPD

Feeling Good

something worth talking about. I get caught up in this trap when I’m making these videos. If I don’t feel bad about something, then there’s nothing to talk about.

So I’m feeling pretty good at the moment. Yay! And that in itself is something worth talking about. I get caught up in this trap when I’m making these videos. If I don’t feel bad about something, then there’s nothing to talk about.

And that’s not true. Not all of this is about feeling bad. It’s not about feeling bad all the time, because actually we don’t. And I’m talking more on the BPD side of things as well. But I don’t know the narcissism pretty in check at the moment.

And that’s helping out. You see, it’s not that we’re depressed, right? It’s not that we’re down all the time. It’s not that we’re like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. It’s sometimes we feel bloody awful and sometimes we actually feel okay.

And sometimes that OK can go into pretty good. The problem with BPD is the erraticness of this. I’m not even sure if that’s a word, but it’s how much this goes up and down, and back and forth.

Right now, I’m on a high. Feeling generally pretty good about stuff I’m managing to get things done in that kind of has a a positive snowball effect. Sometimes when you start to get a few things done, you start to feel good and you get more things done and you feel better and so on and so on. But I’m always sort of ready and prepared because this goes up and down. And right now I’m up. Great. But that means there could be a crash coming. That could be a down on the way now.

Since dealing with this stuff, and going to therapy, and talking stuff through and analysing stuff a lot, the ups have been much more frequent and they’ve been longer. And the downs have been far less severe. Iit’s been, nearly a year since I had any sort of big rage moment.

I think that was August last year. There were videos on it. That hasn’t happened since, because even when I’ve been down, and I’ve had low points, they’ve still not been rage. And I’ve certainly not gone anywhere near suicidal ideation That is something that feels totally gone forever now. To be honest, the juxtaposition of wanting to kill yourself and also fearing all these things about life and death Can you worry that you’ve got cancer and be suicidal at the same time? Does that really make any sense? And so these things are easy to resolve and worked through, and I feel like they’ve left me. So I don’t fear those coming back.

There’s not really any fear anymore. In any of this, it’s just preparedness. I’m going to come sort of crashing down, or gliding down now. I’m not planning on it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know when it’s going to happen.

Perhaps this is one that goes on for months. Yes, perhaps this is a great high point I’m living through. You don’t know until it ends. But right now, I’m feeling pretty good, getting stuff done. Feeling better, getting more stuff done.

That’s a positive thing, and it’s good to share that first for a change to not sit here and try and get in touch with some darkness or some sadness and talk about just how tragic I feel now. Pretty, pretty good at the moment.

And it’s it’s worth mentioning. Much as I’ve discovered, I don’t go through the sad moments alone. Clearly, I can’t be going through these happy moments alone either. Doesn’t that give us some reason to be optimistic?

Something to grab onto and try and remember how it feels? Because in the darkest moments, whatever personality disorder or mental health problem you’re dealing with. There are times when you feel OK, there are times when you feel good and you can do that again.

And so. You’ve got to hold on to these times, you know, you’ve got to remember them. And that can be difficult to do, especially in the heat of a moment, but I don’t know I might get some benefit from making a video about it. Maybe I’ll be watching this video one day, trying to cheer myself up, reminding myself it does get better. It’s not always pain and suffering and sadness. There’s some okay times and that’s great. So hold on to them tight. Try not to let yourself. Drag yourself down. There’s some positive mental attitude involved in this, right? It takes a little bit to get jumpstarted, but want to see their. You can say, right, I’m feeling good.

I’m going to keep feeling good because I know that I can I know that this happens. I know that that blanket of sadness that comes around me is just a blanket. This is how I can feel. Write notes. Honestly, right, sticky notes, leave him around like it’s OK to feel good. You do sometimes. Try and hold on to it.